Simple and Easy Steps to Follow
Newly married couples tend to take their first disagreement as a portentous omen. It is simply an indication that their personalities have not yet blended; it is not this first quarrel that determines whether a couple is happily married. Their happiness will depend upon how successful they are in blending their personalities to improve respect and love. When two people agree in their determination to let nothing get in the way of their developing a happy home, there is very little chance of them being disappointed. It must be realized, however, that such a state of affairs is not a simple coincidence but demands as active effort on the part of the husband and wife.
One golden rule that every married couple should observe is never to resort to deception. It is shortsighted to assume that a crisis can be avoided by trying to distort the facts. Deception will finally become apparent and undermine the absolute confidence that exists between the couple. A sincere apology, when indicated, does much more to ensure the respect and devotion of the spouse than does any attempt to ignore issues in the marriage. If you are focused on your spouse’s faults, you will find them every time. But if you are set on finding your spouse’s strengths, you will find them too. An old saying goes something like this: “Be to his or her virtues very kind. And be to his or her faults a little blind.” In marriage, the husband and wife come together to build each other up. Envision how sweet your marriage can become if both of you focus on each other’s positive qualities and build on them.
The Bible speaks of a husband and wife becoming one flesh. That means that couples do not lose their individuality but blend their personalities in a loving and intimate way. The choices you have made up to this point in your life have been a result of your attitude. Your attitude determines your actions, and your actions determine your accomplishments. The person you are and where you are today are the direct result of your attitude. Most people in bad relationships usually point to something other than themselves to explain their problems. But you can’t rightfully blame your attitude in anything or anyone but yourself. You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you are completely responsible for your reactions to what happens to you. If you’re in a relationship and love your partner and want your relationship to take on new meaning, begin right now and make a commitment to renew your love for each other. The kind of life I am talking about takes some extra work, but it is as simple as remembering how good it was when you first fell in love. Looking back at those good times is where your strength lies. It will help you renew your good faith in love and open your heart to new possibilities. Look at why you chose that person in the first place. It will help you remember how much of a gift this person has been and how you may be taking his or her love for granted.
Remember, you are together to share your love with each other. A partner’s love is a reminder that you are lovable even when you are not at your best. Never forget that a loving relationship not only brings two people closer, but gives both of you the courage to be your best in life. It is too easy to forget how to appreciate the person we love in our hurried pace through life. Love is one of life’s greatest gifts to mankind, and yet many of us seem to forget how to enhance our believe in our dreams and ourselves. Never forget, real love lies deep within every one of us and only awaits our acknowledgment of it. Love is no mystery. Its results are magnetic in many forms. Love is the lamp that lights up our hearts. When we experience love of another, it makes us want to express our love for others in a myriad of ways. Our lives can be transformed by love. Our desire to know love draws us together. When we express our love, we touch the hearts of others meaningfully.
Knowing we are loved sustains our hearts and diminishes our difficulties. Love gives us the courage to be our best. Love cures. It cures those who give it and those who receive it. Love creates music from the disharmony of life’s ups and downs, regenerating peace and joy. Giving love is like a song emerging from the beat of our hearts. Love promises us a life filled with magical moments. In romantic love, you transcend your daily experiences. That doesn’t mean you leave the cards, but your daily life is infused with value not available without the presence of love. Colors are brighter. Sounds are sweeter. Winters are warmer. Nights are more secure. You perceive each other as a miracle and there is a magical fit like a glove. Your life together becomes erotic. All of life becomes more sensual, more attractive. Your energy and desire for living intensifies. You experience the fundamental connection between all living things. You bestow a special meaning upon each other, leaving room for no other romance in your heart. Your attraction is powerful, like magnetism. You want to be with each other, and everything you do together can feel romantic as long as you are connected and caring.
Ways to nurture marital growth:
- Give what you want. If you want more love, offer love. If you want more affection, offer affection. If you want more intimacy, create an environment.
- Continue to create passion for life and for each other.
- Respect each other’s need for privacy and space.
- Continue to build intimacy, both sexually and emotionally, throughout your marriage.
- Sit down and make a list of what makes you feel loved and cared for. Read each other’s lists and commit to doing the things on your partner’s list.
- Comfort, encourage, and affirm each other daily.
- Never stop dating.
- Apologize. In every conflict you play a part. Be responsible for it.
- Remember, kindness toward each other is a great gift.
- Take turns not asking your spouse to bring you something, get you something, find something for you, or serve you something. Instead, offer these things to your spou8se.
- Celebrate milestones in your marriage.
- Go on annual or by-annual retreat to recharge your relationship.